marriage material?

years ago, i made THE CHECKLIST after breaking up with yet another boyfriend. in it, i noted several imperatives (the bare minimum) and their corresponding desirables (or the best insofar as your imperatives were concerned). among other things, the checklist included mundane things such as his being able to drive and play basketball, ability to speak english very well, a graduate of UP or Ateneo, can carry on the most amazing conversations with me, and someone i would not mind waking up next to for the rest of our lives.

after a while, i pretty much discarded the checklist. it could have been due to the slight desperation of being 25 (at that time) and single. i had a string of failed relationships that started out ok but ended badly. add to that the loss of an ovary and you pretty much have a girl who was in big need of a partner.

except that one day, i met him, the guy who fit THE CHECKLIST. the guy who looked good on paper. the guy who i wouldn't mind -- at least insofar as the checklist was concerned -- spending my life with.

veevee was, of course, wary about the whole thing. how can i actually believe that by fitting my checklist, this guy was worth losing what seemed to be a very promising relationship over.

it was simple, i figured. my last boyfriend helped me bring back my faith in love. unfortunately, i realized at the same time that i did not love him the way i figured real love was like. moreso, he didn't fit the checklist at all. if these were some of the things that i held up to be my non-negotiables in life, how could i then contemplate on spending the rest of my life with him?

veevee said it may be simply because i was commitment-phobic. maybe. but i'd rather have lost what i had now than spend the rest of my life in an unsatisfying relationship.

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incidentally, isn't it weird that my penance didn't include giving up shopping? ha ha...

it's been more than a week and i still want that bag. if i still want it sunday, it's going to be mine.