through the one thing that has seen me through bad dates and good dates, bad boyfriends and good boyfriends, high grades and low grades, winning cases and crazy clients,

happy 2nd birthday.

i love you, spike.

and i meant it when i said i love you more that i've ever loved any one of them.

a watched phone never rings.

and so when you finally stop watching your phone, at 9:45 in the evening, while curled up with an old book hoping to god it rains like crazy to make the night a bit cooler, your phone does ring.

at first your not sure if it's ringing. is it the neighbor's phone that's ringing? you pick up, just in case it's an emergency or something. and, instead of the dial tone, you hear a faint "hey".

you don't pin your hopes on the fact that it's him. after all, it could be gary, since he also begins phone conversations with "hey", as if no one else answers the phone except you. you also try to be nonchalant about it. he could be asking for something back, much like the way you were when you were mad and bitter over the fact that he wanted you to be an ex instead of a gf.

but no, he just wanted to talk. he was truly interested in how things are going for you, and how you were. somehow, he was able to work in the conversation, "so are you seeing someone new" and somehow you felt a bit giddy over the fact that he asked that.

you don't know when you're going to get the next phone conversation and you don't know if that phone call meant anything. you know that it may have just been a fluke, like he was feeling lonely and that he needed someone to talk to.

it doesn't matter. you know that last night you must've sent at least a couple of text messages sharing the good news to friends and that you did call one good friend to share the news. you know that this morning you woke up feeling as if you own the world, never mind that it was 5 a.m. and you still had to pack your clothes and that you know you're still behind a lot of things in your schedule.

he called. and somehow, almost twelve hours after the fact, that's still all that matters.

this coming week is bound to be exciting.

tomorrow night i'll be staying overnight at my aunt's room at mandarin.
tuesday night i'm staying over at a friend's house for some overnight bonding.
wednesday night my friends and i will be partying (that is, if we don't fall asleep first) the night away in a two-bedroom suite at sunette tower.
thursday, a friend and i will be heading off to cabanatuan to join my aunt's birthday celebration, enjoy good food cooked by my lola, and bond, bond, bond.

my bags have yet to be packed and there's a shelf full of books waiting to be read. the bar is a reality that i have to deal with sooner or later.

but for now, it's a reality that'll have to be dealt with after my mini-vacation.

p.s. i don't know if you'll remember the url of this blog, but if you do, here's a couple of things you have to deal with before you go through the archives:
1. no i do not capitalize.
2. you take everything with a grain of salt.
3. don't forget. UP law, 10:30 on wednesday. don't be late.

somehow, i've always envisioned the time between graduation from law school and september 2005 (bar time!) as that glorious time where i'd finally get a life. while my classmates planned things such as living arrangements and bar review schedules, or while they searched for "the perfect starbucks for studying", i, on the other hand, envisioned myself waking up at 6 to do some not-so-serious walking around the academic oval.

sometimes, i've the tendency to kid myself that i can coast through the bar the same way i coasted stumbled through my law school career.

still, i knew that somehow, i had a knock-out plan for the bar examinations. i'd start seriously reviewing when the ateneo bar review begins, i'd clock in at work mornings just to finish my contract and head out to ateneo for review classes. i'd then try to catch the mass in bf then head out to my little secret of a coffee shop and study until closing time. and i'd do the damn thing every single day until it feels like it's the most natural thing in the world.

but even the best laid plans can go to waste.

here i am - two weeks after i finished with my summer elective and five days away from resignation - working my ass off at 9:30 in the evening in a hot cubicle in ortigas trying to finish work i should've finished over three weeks ago. i'm tired. i'm cranky. and i've been experiencing more heartbun than i've experienced in all of my 28 years combined. home is still anywhere between thirty minutes to an hour away (depending on how fast i drive) and sleep, well, sleep has become a controversial luxury.

and don't even begin to ask about reviewing. in the last month and a half i've been trying to study for the bar, i've gotten about as far as 300 pages of labor review and bits and pieces of remedial law.

june 1. i've marked that day on my calendar. on that day, it'll be goodbye work, goodbye slacking off. i'm envisioning myself sitting in that coffee shop with a large cup of coffee and my reviewers neatly piled on the table. after several years of hiatus, i'd once again channel my "nerdy" self and continue on to my quest in becoming a lawyer. i'm thinking "yes, yes, yes, rosa you can do it."

and i should be able to do it.

right?

i'm in a bit of a quandry.

the university where i work for will have its graduation rites on june 11. that's 11 days after my last day at work. i'm not sure if i'm still invited to the graduation and i'm not sure if i'm still required to do the entire graduation thing. in the 6 or so years i've been teaching in the university, i've attended only twice: once when my boss forced me to, and second on the day i got spike (my car) and i actually wanted to take him out on a special drive.

there are a couple of reasons though why i want to attend this year:
(1)some of my good friends are graduating from their masters;
(2)i'll finally get to wear a "purple" toga (for law); and
(3) it'll be my last graduation as a member of the faculty.

so far, i haven't decided yet. however, at this point in time when i'm two months delayed in reviewing for the bar and i'm in major overload when it comes to finishing the million and one things i've to finish before finally being let go by the office, there's one MAJOR reason why i'm leaning towards attending the event.

i still haven't worn those damn lovely graduation shoes.